2 Samuel 13

2 Samuel 13 initiates the fulfillment of Nathan’s prophecy that “the sword shall never depart from your house” (2 Samuel 12:10). The chapter is a gruesome narrative of lust, incest, betrayal, and fratricide. It mirrors David’s sin with Bathsheba but in a distorted, darker key. Amnon (David’s firstborn) rapes his half-sister Tamar. David fails to punish him. Absalom (Tamar’s full brother) waits two years, then murders Amnon in revenge. David again fails to act, and Absalom flees into exile. The chapter exposes the total collapse of moral authority within David’s family and the king’s inability to discipline his sons, likely paralyzed by his own past guilt.

1. Amnon’s Obsession and Jonadab’s Scheme (2 Samuel 13:1–6 NLT)

1 David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. 2 Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought it was impossible to have his way with her. 3 Now Amnon had a very crafty friend named Jonadab, who was the son of David’s brother Shimea. 4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, “What’s the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?” So Amnon told him, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 “Well,” Jonadab said, “I’ll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are sick. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and cook some food for me. Tell her to make some of her special bread while I watch, so I can see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish in my presence, so I can eat it from her hand.”

Commentary:

• The Cast of Characters (v. 1):
  • Amnon: The Crown Prince (David’s firstborn by Ahinoam).
  • Tamar: A daughter of David (by Maacah), full sister to Absalom.
  • Absalom: Third born son, ambitious and protective.
• Lust vs. Love (v. 1-2): The text says Amnon “fell in love,” but the context clearly indicates lust. It is an obsession focused on “having his way with her” (v. 2). Like David with Bathsheba, he sees a beautiful woman and covets what is forbidden (Leviticus 18:9 forbids sex with a sister/half-sister).
• Jonadab the “Crafty” (v. 3): Jonadab is a cousin (son of David’s brother Shimea). The Hebrew word for “crafty” (hakam) can mean wise, but here implies cunning manipulation. He is an enabler. He suggests using the King’s authority to facilitate sin.
• The Trap (v. 5): The plan exploits David’s paternal care. Amnon feigns illness to manipulate David into sending the victim directly to the predator.

Insight: Bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor 15:33). Jonadab gave advice that was strategically sound but morally bankrupt. Friends who help you sin are not friends; they are accomplices to your destruction.

2. The Crime: Rape and Rejection (2 Samuel 13:7–19 NLT)

7 So David agreed and sent a message to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the home of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to the home of her brother Amnon, who was lying in bed. She took some dough, kneaded it, made some special bread in his presence, and baked it. 9 …But Amnon refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here!” Amnon told his servants. So they all left. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into my bedroom so I can eat it from your hand.” So Tamar took the special bread she had made and went into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. 11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” 12 “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. 13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.” 14 But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. 15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her. 16 “No, no!” she cried. “Sending me away like this is a greater wrong than what you’ve already done to me.” But Amnon refused to listen to her. 17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!” 18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long robe with sleeves, as was the custom in those days for the virgin daughters of the king. 19 Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And she walked away, weeping and sobbing as she went.

Commentary:

• Tamar’s Wisdom (v. 12-13): Tamar acts as the moral voice in the room. She offers four arguments:
  1. Religious: “Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel” (It violates God’s law).
  2. Social/Personal: “Where could I go in my shame?” (It destroys her future).
  3. Reputational: “You would be called a fool” (It destroys his honor).
  4. Legal/Alternative: “Speak to the king… he will let you marry me.” (This was likely a desperate stall tactic, as the law forbade it, though perhaps she hoped for a royal exception).
• The Rape (v. 14): Amnon ignores reason. The phrase “he was stronger than she was” emphasizes the violence. It is an act of power, not affection.
• The Aftermath (v. 15): “Love turned to hate.” This is psychological reality. Sin, once consumed, often turns to ash. Amnon hates her because she is now a living reminder of his guilt. He victimizes her twice: first by violation, then by expulsion.
• The Robe (v. 18-19): The “ornamented robe” (like Joseph’s coat) marked her status as a virgin princess. Tearing it symbolizes the loss of her identity, her virginity, and her royal dignity.

Insight: Lust cares only for self-gratification; love cares for the other person. Amnon’s immediate hatred proves he never loved Tamar; he loved the feeling he thought she would give him.

3. Absalom’s Revenge (2 Samuel 13:20–29 NLT)

20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t let this upset you.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. 22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon because he had raped his sister Tamar. 23 Two years later, when Absalom’s sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor… Absalom invited all the king’s sons to come to a feast. 24 He went to the king and said… “Please come with your servants and join us.” 25 The king replied, “No, my son. If we all come, it will be too much of a burden on you.” … 26 “Well, then,” Absalom said, “if you can’t come, please let my brother Amnon come with us.” “Why should he go?” the king asked. 27 But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let Amnon and all his other sons go. 28 Absalom told his men, “Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who gives the commands. Take courage and be men!” 29 So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had commanded. Then all the other king’s sons jumped on their mules and fled.

Commentary:

• David’s Failure (v. 21): “He was very angry.” But he did nothing. The Septuagint adds, “But he did not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, for he was his firstborn.”
  • David’s passivity is fatal. Because he doesn’t act as a judge, Absalom decides to act as an avenger.
  • David likely feels he cannot punish sexual sin in his son when he committed sexual sin himself (Bathsheba). His guilt paralyzes his justice.
• Absalom’s Cold Rage (v. 22–23): Absalom waits two full years. This shows he is calculating, patient, and dangerous.
• The Trap at Baal-hazor (v. 23): Sheep shearing was a time of feasting (like a harvest festival). Absalom invites everyone.
• David’s Intuition (v. 26): David hesitates to send Amnon (“Why should he go?”). He senses danger but yields to pressure—a recurring weakness in David’s parenting.
• The Murder (v. 28-29): The assassination mirrors Amnon’s crime:
  • Amnon planned his crime with food/drink. Absalom kills him while he is “merry with wine.”
  • Amnon violated his sibling; Absalom kills his sibling.
• Fratricide: This removes the firstborn heir. Absalom is now effectively next in line (since Chileab/Daniel, the second born, is never mentioned and likely died young or was unfit).

Insight: Justice delayed is justice denied. Because the State (David) failed to punish the rapist, the individual (Absalom) took the law into his own hands, leading to anarchy.

4. Mourning and Exile (2 Samuel 13:30–39 NLT)

30 While they were on the way back to Jerusalem, a report reached David: “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons; not one is left alive!” 31 The king jumped up, tore his robe, and fell on the ground… 32 But just then Jonadab… said, “No, my lord, not all of your sons have been killed! It is only Amnon who is dead. Absalom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar. 33 …It is only Amnon who is dead.” 34 Meanwhile Absalom escaped… 36 And just as he finished speaking, the king’s sons arrived, weeping and sobbing… 37 Absalom fled and went to King Talmai… of Geshur. David mourned for his son day after day. 38 Absalom stayed in Geshur for three years. 39 And King David, now reconciled to Amnon’s death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.

Commentary:

• The False Report (v. 30): Rumor exaggerates the tragedy (“All the sons are dead”).
• Jonadab’s Return (v. 32): The same “friend” who helped Amnon plan the rape now coolly explains his death. He knew about the plot (“Absalom has been plotting this”) and did nothing to warn the king. He is a detached, sociopathic observer.
• Flight to Geshur (v. 37): Absalom flees to his grandfather, King Talmai of Geshur (his mother Maacah’s father). He is in exile, protected by a foreign power.
• David’s Heart (v. 39): David “longed to go out to Absalom.” He is torn between his duty as a judge (who should execute a murderer) and his heart as a father (who loves his son). This tension will tear the kingdom apart in the coming chapters.

Insight: The sword has begun to devour David’s house. Rape, incest, murder, and exile—all within one generation. The “fourfold” judgment for the lamb is underway (First son: The baby; Second son: Amnon).

Theological Significance of 2 Samuel 13

• The Legacy of Parental Sin: While the sons are responsible for their own actions, David’s example of lust (Bathsheba) and violence (Uriah) is replicated by his sons. The sins of the father are often amplified in the children.
• The Failure of Passivity: David’s failure to discipline Amnon led directly to Amnon’s death and Absalom’s rebellion. Biblical love requires discipline (Proverbs 13:24).
• The Destructiveness of Unchecked Lust: Amnon’s “love” was a consuming fire that destroyed his sister, himself, and his family. It illustrates that sexual sin is never private; it has massive collateral damage.

Practical Applications

• Watch Your Advisors: Be wary of “Jonadabs”—friends who are clever but lack moral conviction. If a friend helps you plan a sin, they are an enemy to your soul.
• Protect the Vulnerable: Tamar spoke truth to power, but power didn’t listen. The church and leaders must listen to victims and protect them, not silence them to save the family reputation.
• Don’t Let Anger Fester: Absalom nursed a grudge for two years. Bitterness is a poison that eventually kills the vessel that holds it.
• Discipline is Love: Parents must address sin in their children. Ignoring it (like David did) does not make it go away; it makes it grow into something deadlier.

Sermon Titles

• The Crafty Friend.
• Love Turned to Hate.
• The Silent Father.
• Two Years of Silence.
• A Rent Robe and Ashes: The Tragedy of Tamar.