2 Samuel 14 describes the uneasy return of Absalom from exile. For three years, David has been estranged from his son, torn between his duty as a judge (to punish the murderer) and his love as a father. Joab, sensing that the King’s heart longs for Absalom—and fearing the political instability of having the heir apparent in exile—orchestrates a ruse involving a “wise woman from Tekoa” to manipulate David into recalling him. The plan works, but only partially. David allows Absalom to return to Jerusalem but bans him from the royal presence. This “half-reconciliation”—proximity without intimacy—festers for two years, fueling Absalom’s resentment and eventually leading him to force a confrontation by burning Joab’s fields. The chapter ends with a public kiss of reconciliation, but the lack of true repentance or justice sets the stage for the rebellion in the next chapter.
1. The Wise Woman of Tekoa (2 Samuel 14:1–11 NLT)
1 Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart was longing for Absalom. 2 So Joab sent someone to Tekoa to bring a wise woman from there. He told her, “Pretend to be a mourner. Wear mourning clothes and don’t put on any cosmetics. Act like a woman who has been mourning for the dead for a long time. 3 Then go to the king and tell him the story I am about to tell you.” … 4 So the woman from Tekoa went to the king… 5 “What is the trouble?” the king asked. “Alas, I am a widow!” she replied. “My husband is dead. 6 My two sons got into a fight out in the field. No one was there to stop them, and one of them killed the other. 7 Now the rest of the family is demanding, ‘Let us have your son who killed his brother. We will execute him for murdering his brother. We will wipe out the heir, too.’ In this way, they will quench my last remaining ember, and my husband’s name and family will be gone from the earth.” 8 “Leave it to me,” the king told her. “I will issue a favorable order for you.” … 11 Then she said, “Please let the king invoke the Lord your God to prevent the avenger of blood from killing my son.” “As surely as the Lord lives,” he vowed, “not a hair on your son’s head will be touched!”
Commentary:
- Joab’s Motivation (v. 1): Joab is a pragmatist. He knows that an unsettled succession crisis (with the heir in exile) endangers the kingdom. He wants stability.
- The Performance (v. 2): Joab scripts the encounter. He uses a “wise woman” (likely a professional actor/negotiator) from Tekoa (a town south of Bethlehem).
- The Parable (v. 6-7): The story mirrors David’s situation but with lower stakes.
- Two sons: Mirrors Amnon and Absalom.
- Fratricide: Mirrors Absalom killing Amnon.
- The Clan’s Demand: Justice/Execution.
- The Mother’s Plea: Mercy/Preservation.
- The “Burning Coal” (v. 7): She argues that executing the surviving son will extinguish the “last ember” (heir) of the father’s name. She appeals to David’s desire to preserve lineage over strict justice.
- David’s Trap (v. 11): David invokes God’s name to protect her son from the “avenger of blood.” By granting mercy to a fictional murderer, he legally sets a precedent that he must now apply to his own son.
Insight: David is quick to show mercy to a stranger’s son but slow to show it to his own. It is often easier to solve other people’s problems than to face the dysfunction in our own homes.
2. The Application: God’s Banished Ones (2 Samuel 14:12–17 NLT)
12 Then the woman said, “Please allow me to ask one more thing.” … 13 “Why don’t you do as much for the people of God as you have promised to do for me?” she asked. “You convict yourself in making this decision, because you have refused to bring home your own banished son. 14 All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away; instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him. … 17 …May the Lord your God be with you.”
Commentary:
- The Turn (v. 13): The woman drops the act. She accuses the King: “You convict yourself.” If mercy is right for the widow’s son, why is the King’s heir still banished?
- The Theology of Redemption (v. 14): This is the theological jewel of the chapter.
- Reality of Death: “Water spilled on the ground.” Amnon is dead and cannot be brought back. Execution won’t fix the past.
- Character of God: “God devises ways to bring us back.” She argues that God’s nature is restorative, not just punitive. He makes a way for the exile to return (a shadow of the Gospel).
- The Flaw in the Argument: While the theology is beautiful, it ignores repentance. God brings the banished back through repentance and atonement. Absalom has shown neither. The woman advocates for “cheap grace”—restoration without change.
Insight: Verse 14 is often quoted as a picture of salvation. God indeed “devises means” (the Cross) so that His banished ones (sinners) do not remain outcasts.
3. The Partial Return and Absalom’s Vanity (2 Samuel 14:18–27 NLT)
19 “Did Joab put you up to this?” the king asked. … 21 So the king sent for Joab and told him, “All right, go and bring back the young man Absalom.” … 23 So Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. 24 But the king gave this order: “Absalom may go to his own house, but he must never come into my presence.” So Absalom did not see the king. 25 Now in all Israel there was no one so celebrated as Absalom for his good looks. From the top of his head to the soles of his feet, he had no blemish. 26 He cut his hair only once a year, for it was too heavy for him. When he weighed it, it came to about five pounds! 27 He had three sons and one daughter. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she was very beautiful.
Commentary:
- Joab Exposed (v. 19): David sees through the ruse but agrees to the logic.
- The Half-Measure (v. 24): David brings Absalom back to the city but refuses to see him.
- Result: This is the worst possible move. It gives Absalom a platform (Jerusalem) but no affection (Father). It creates a visible symbol of royal dysfunction. Absalom sits in his house stewing in rejection.
- Absalom’s Image (v. 25–26): The narrator focuses heavily on Absalom’s appearance.
- Flawless: “No blemish.” He looks like a perfect king.
- The Hair: His hair was his pride. Weighing 200 shekels (approx. 5 lbs or 2.3 kg), it was a symbol of virility and strength. Ironically, his heavy hair will later be the physical cause of his death (caught in a tree).
- Tamar (v. 27): He names his daughter Tamar, after his ruined sister. This shows he is still carrying the trauma of the past.
Insight: Absalom has the look of a king but not the heart of a king (like David). The people judge by outward appearance, which makes Absalom dangerous.
4. The Burning Barley and the Kiss (2 Samuel 14:28–33 NLT)
28 Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years without seeing the king. 29 Then Absalom sent for Joab to ask him to intercede with the king, but Joab refused to come. Absalom sent a second time, but again Joab refused to come. 30 So he said to his servants, “Go and set fire to Joab’s barley field, the one next to mine.” So they set the field on fire. 31 Then Joab came to Absalom at his house and demanded, “Why did your servants set my field on fire?” 32 And Absalom replied, “Because I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if I am guilty of something, then let him kill me.” 33 So Joab told the king what Absalom had said. Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came and bowed low before the king, and the king kissed him.
Commentary:
- Two Years of Silence (v. 28): The tension builds. Absalom is treated like a leper in the holy city.
- Arson as Negotiation (v. 30): Absalom displays his character: he is entitled, violent, and manipulative. When ignored, he burns things down. He destroys Joab’s property to force a meeting.
- The Ultimatum (v. 32): Absalom challenges David’s justice: “If I am guilty, kill me!” He calls David’s bluff. He knows David is too weak to execute him, so the only option is restoration. Note: Absalom never admits guilt; he only challenges the punishment.
- The Kiss (v. 33): David yields. He kisses Absalom.
Insight: This reconciliation is hollow. There is no repentance from Absalom and no clear standard from David. It is a “peace, peace, when there is no peace” (Jeremiah 6:14), effectively arming the man who will overthrow the throne.
Theological Significance of 2 Samuel 14
- The Ministry of Reconciliation: Verse 14 is a beautiful description of God’s heart. Unlike humans who banish offenders, God creates a mechanism (atonement) to restore the relationship.
- The Danger of Partial Forgiveness: David’s treatment of Absalom (forgiven legally, rejected relationally) illustrates how not to reconcile. True forgiveness must aim for the restoration of the relationship, or it turns into bitterness.
- Appearance vs. Reality: Absalom is the anti-David. He has the external beauty of Saul but lacks the internal heart of David. The text warns against being enamored by charismatic leaders who lack character.
Practical Applications
- Handling Conflict: Ignoring a problem (like David did for 2 years) does not solve it; it incubates it. We must have the difficult conversations (“Come let us reason together”).
- The “Burning Fields” in Our Lives: sometimes people “set fire” to things (act out, cause drama) just to be heard. We need to discern the cry for attention behind the destructive behavior.
- God’s “Means”: If you feel banished from God, remember v. 14. God has already devised a way for you to return through Christ. You are never too far gone.
Sermon Titles
- God Devises a Way (v. 14).
- The Handsome Rebel.
- Burning Down the Field: When Silence becomes Violence.
- Halfway Home: The Danger of Partial Reconciliation.
- Water Spilled on the Ground.
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